Monday, April 19, 2010
As time goes on, I realize more and more that Kiana was not sent to me so I could help her. She was sent to me to teach me things no one else could.
This is a girl who has SO many things stacked against her.
Born into poverty,
Unstable home and care,
Not enough to eat at times,
Drug and alcohol exposure,
Severe illness as an infant resulting in seizures,
brain damage and,
an inability to speak,
multiple moves in foster care,
The brain damage she suffered as an infant has left her with an IQ of 62. She struggles to understand basic academics and logic. BUT her spirit is more mature than almost everyone I know. Her ability to love, despite everything she has been through, is miraculous and inspiring. She forgives quickly and completely. She can easily see when someone is unhappy and offers her help and comfort. Often, when she can see that I'm having a hard time she sits on the ground next to my feet and rubs them, scratches my back, rubs my shoulders or cleans something up for me without me asking her to and without the need for recognition or praise. She does it purely out of the love in her heart.
She is so full of charity for others. That Christlike love that I pray for daily comes so easily and naturally to her. She is so in-tune to the needs of others and prays for people by name. Her prayers always include her siblings and what they have been struggling with that particular day. They include her Grandpa Porter and his health, her Grandma Mia and her happiness, relatives and friends who are sick and/or struggling, and ME for my heart to grow and to love more completely. Her prayers also include anyone we have talked about that day who would need a prayer offered up in their behalf. I am so grateful for her.
I am ashamed and embarrassed to say that I haven't always appreciated or even recognized her for who she really is. Sadly I was distracted by drool, noises and grunts, and physical and mental limitations. I was more focused on the results of her trauma - screaming, crying for hours on end, excessively laughing at inappropriate times, peeing and pooping in wrong places, than I was on seeing the amazing gift I've been blessed with.
She is one of Heavenly Father's most choice, strongest spirits and He has chosen to bless ME with her. I received a Priesthood Blessing shortly after getting her that told me that her a I were best friends in Heaven before we came to Earth. I have often thought that I probably had made her a promise to find her and give her what she didn't have. I NOW realize that I am not the one who needed to save her. She came to me to help me learn what I needed to know so that I can be saved. She signed up for this life and Heavenly Father KNEW that her spirit could survive and thrive. She came here not to be saved but to save others through her example. I feel that she already has a place reserved for her in Heaven.